From time memorial, ladies have at all times been ‘managed’ by males. Within the olden days, a ladies’s existence was solely for the pleasure (or in any other case) of males. All of it started from the notion that as a result of a lady was ‘created utilizing the ribs of a person’, a lady was made to be a person’s helper. This notion has been handed from technology to technology; the girl-child is taught at an early age, that she is inferior to the male gender and a person might lord over her. As soon as these women started to achieve puberty, older ladies began coaching them for marriage by instructing the way to please a person – from studying the way to prepare dinner for his or her husbands to studying the way to costume for his or her husbands, to studying how to do that and that – all for his or her husbands. It started to appear like the entire existence of a lady was for the pleasure of the person. It additionally drove residence the purpose that a lady was not equal to a person. So the husband was the lord of his spouse – to do as he happy – and he or she needed to grasp on to his each phrase and obey his each command.
This modified. Girls needed extra.
Girls needed to have a voice and be listened to. They needed to be recognised as an impartial entity – a human who might suppose for themselves and make selections.
Girls turned ‘disobedient’ to their husbands – rejecting ‘instructions’ and an authoritative relationship. They needed extra inclusive and egalitarian partnerships. It seemed like ladies have been prepared for ‘struggle’ – they needed to “be like the lads”. This birthed many actions and the lads ‘had no selection’ however to pay attention and (maybe) be part of within the motion. Many males – believing they have been supporting ladies – participated in ‘benevolent feminism’. You start to listen to issues like “the person is the pinnacle, the lady is the neck. With out the neck, the pinnacle can not transfer”. Issues like this are at all times mentioned to make the lady really feel higher about being ‘lowered’ to the place of the neck.
Anyway, the world is altering and girls are ‘much less controllable’ than they was. Extra little women have entry to training. Girls work in industries that have been hitherto deemed for males solely. Girls at the moment are in politics, could make selections, battle for his or her rights and may take full possession of their our bodies.
Sounds good, proper?
So if we’ve all ‘agreed’ that people are complete and impartial entities who can suppose for themselves and are able to making selections – and taking good care of themselves usually, so why do folks (males specifically) nonetheless really feel the necessity to management ladies – particularly ladies they’re in a relationship with or married to?
Why do males want to regulate ladies?
Simply once we thought that by now, everybody would have realised that ladies are free to do no matter they select to do – so long as it isn’t against the law; and once we thought that society was slowly shifting towards patriarchy, Nigerian artiste, Omoniyi Raphael, popularly referred to as Zlatan, reminded us that we’re not as progressive as we’d wish to consider.
There are particular ‘mumuish’ requirements that ‘good’ and ‘submissive’ ladies have been held to: light; clever, however not too clever; hardworking however not too wealthy; extremely domesticated (spouse materials hundred yards); obedient – which robotically means doing what you’re instructed with out query, and so forth.
By nature, common people beings wish to be ‘larger and higher than the particular person subsequent door’, however the need to regulate ladies is deeply rooted in our society. We reside in a society the place individuals are so fast to ‘break the feathers’ of girls so that they don’t fly too excessive, mould them to what you consider they need to be and tame them so that they don’t change into ‘wild’. That’s the reason folks consider that ladies who’re richer than their husbands aren’t submissive. That’s as a result of a ‘submissive spouse’, to them, is one which hangs on to their each phrase and strokes their ego even when she’s dying inside. A dodoyo they will inform to take a seat and he or she received’t hesitate to. One that can ‘know her place’ within the household and society.
Extra worrisome as a result of Zlatan spoke the thoughts of many individuals – individuals who consider that a lady ought to be managed. Extra worrisome as a result of it’s this mindset that’s holding extra ladies again from harnessing their full potential.
This mindset is one purpose we might by no means have a feminine president in Nigeria this decade. This mindset is why a lady who’s profitable is believed to have slept her method by. For this reason ladies can drive their automobiles and somebody will fling the phrase ‘ashawo’ carelessly at them. For this reason most aged ladies will name youthful ladies apart and beg them to not flaunt their wealth so that they received’t “chase the lads away”. This mindset is why ladies are nonetheless being taught to scale back themselves so a person can discover them worthy of marriage.
Though we have now began elevating ‘sturdy’ ladies who’re hell-bent on chasing their goals, we must also increase ladies to have the choice to reside a life that’s healthful, with or with out marriage. Girls must know that it’s okay to reject males – or anybody – who wish to management and diminish them.
We must also increase our boys higher than this. Mindsets like this are inculcated into the male youngster from a young age, we will break that by instructing our boys that ladies aren’t inferior to them, neither are they meant to be managed.
As younger folks, we will additionally do higher by letting go of archaic beliefs, unlearning sure issues and relearning. Occasions have modified and folks have advanced.
Let’s do higher. Let’s be higher.