Our relationship has been below some apparent pressure in the previous few months, and much more so within the previous few weeks. I’ve observed how a lot we barely speak to one another, by no means saying greater than the perfunctory phrases. I’ve observed the way you stiffen at my contact, and the way you avert your eyes while you communicate to me.
I’ve been studying books and magazines – I spend a lot extra time alone now, because you barely come house – they usually say that possibly you could work via some points and also you want house, or that possibly you’re dropping curiosity and are seeing another person.
I do know we promised to be sincere to one another, to inform the reality irrespective of how painful, however once I ask you if you’re seeing another person (I do know I shouldn’t, however I have no idea how to not ask), please inform me no. Please don’t inform me her identify, don’t let me know that she does exist. Please mislead me and say that you continue to love me, that you’ll by no means select another person, and that you’ll by no means depart.
I say this as a result of I’ll surprise what she seems to be like, the colour of her eyes, of her pores and skin, of her hair. I’ll surprise concerning the sound of her voice, whether or not it turns you on. I’ll surprise when you’ve got intercourse and what it’s like. I’ll surprise in the event you stare at her with the identical depth you used to stare at me, in the event you kiss her such as you did me, full and unabashed, demanding, questioning. I’ll surprise in the event you hint the outlines of her physique along with your fingers, the fullness of her breasts, the curve of her hips. I’ll surprise in the event you chew her nipples till she cries with painful pleasure, if she gasps while you slip your fingers inside her wetness. I will surprise if she touches herself whilst you watch, if she grabs your buttocks as you thrust, if she traps you along with her legs so that you simply come inside. I’ll surprise if she watches you whilst you sleep, if she listens to your heartbeat and kisses you in essentially the most uncommon locations.
I’ll surprise in the event you ever take into consideration me while you’re along with her, in the event you ever speak about me, if she cares that I exist. So please inform me no, for despite the fact that I’ll nonetheless assume these ideas regardless, a minimum of I’ll achieve this with out certainty.
Kome’s writing has improved, her palms are steadier. She complains of the color of her room, that it’s an excessive amount of pink and offers her a headache. She doesn’t speak about you, or of your absence at dinner and late nights. She didn’t ask why you didn’t spend final Christmas at house, however she wonders in the event you’ll be house for her birthday and in the event you’ll get her a jellyfish for her current.
I really like you. I do know you’ll by no means learn this, as a result of I’ve seen the dusty pile of the opposite letters I’ve written you in your bedside desk, and it provides me slightly consolation to know that I can’t must think about the snicker in your face and the derision in your voice, or hear the sound of you ripping them up to small items