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Aluka Igbokwe: Earlier than You Name that Lady ‘Low-cost’…


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In case you are requested to call issues that disturb you, issues that disgust you, issues that appear most absurd to you, what would come readily to your thoughts? What would high your checklist? Let me guess. Wouldn’t it be the double-dipping of bread in tea? Wouldn’t it be the sight of unflushed shit floating fortunately in a bathroom’s porcelain white bowl? Or the information of a youngster defiled by a pedophile? All these are legitimate. However when you requested me similar query, my reply could be this: when a person calls a girl ‘low cost’ on the premise of how rapidly intercourse occurred between them.

This factor that appears most absurd to me – males calling girls low cost – won’t be one of many points bothering half of the world’s inhabitants. It won’t even have occurred to 1 / 4 to be bothered. I imply, it’s not international warming, nuclear battle, or some kind of international pandemic. But it surely bothers me nonetheless: dehumanisation of any kind ought to trouble all people. It’s as absurd as it’s disturbing and disgusting. And since I matter, this subject too is legitimate.


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Allow me to digress. I simply don’t need you to assume that by this piece, I’m in some way encouraging sexual immorality. Allow us to study this case between Arinze and Shola. Arinze is a nice, well-educated man, affluent and is aware of that he’s good wanting. Shola is a good looking lady and a pupil within the close by college. Shola is resolute and unpretentious. She is aware of what she needs and goes for it. Arinze meets Shola on a sweltering day at an ATM gallery. Their friendship is immediate. They really get pleasure from one another’s firm. Hanging out in ritzy eating places, discussing in style books, politics and the unpredictable climate. After which intercourse occurs (on Shola’s phrases, truly, and never on account of Arinze’s coercion) and Arinze, this nice, well-educated and affluent man, who is aware of that he’s good wanting, goes round telling everybody who cares to pay attention that Shola, resolute and unpretentious Shola, Shola who may be very lovely and a pupil within the close by college, is a really low cost lady.

Did you guffaw? Nicely, when you didn’t, it’s no fault of mine. You is likely to be having a mid-life disaster or present process a really tough time. Calm down. I would like you to know that this too shall move. Truthfully, how will you not see that that is humorous? Humorous in a silly sort of means. And even funnier is how girls, in a bid to really feel extra self-worth, this burdening want to not seem low cost, maintain off on intercourse for months and years, when they don’t wish to. They solely give in to intercourse once they’re sure the connection is severe and can result in marriage. What girls have no idea is that males are very affected person beings.

You may deny a person intercourse for so long as attainable (after all, some males will certainly get it elsewhere), or you may have intercourse with a person as rapidly as attainable. Whichever the case, a person who will love and worth and stay and stick with you’ll, regardless. It’s folly to attempt to maintain a person down with intercourse. It’s deprivation or copiousness.

Additionally, I feel, as a girl, when you imagine your worth is barely in your vagina, then you definitely assume lowly of your self. That in some way your price depletes with each intercourse you will have. Intercourse now turns into what takes worth away from you and palms it to a person. Come on, how does that even work? Personal. Your. Physique! Accepting that one thing valuable, one thing with a lot worth, leaves your physique as soon as intercourse occurs, is unknowingly transferring the ability over your physique to a person. Give up giving males a lot energy over a physique that’s yours to personal, a physique that solely it’s best to dictate what occurs to it and who you share it with.

Forgive me for digressing. I didn’t know that might take three paragraphs. Now, I’ll return to my purpose for this piece, which is the unreasonableness of males shaming girls for an act that they’re complicit in.

Intercourse is a pleasurable act between two consenting adults (I’ll deal with heterosexual intercourse for now). Does it make any sense to scale back an individual’s price for a pleasurable act that you just each participated in, in some way exonerating your self? As if you have been an onlooker than a participant? Don’t scream male privilege right here, please. This has by no means made sense to me, this affiliation of private price with intercourse, with cheapness. But when we have been to depend on that very same premise, which is rife in our modern society and peddled by fuck boys, then I feel males are even cheaper than girls. In reality, I feel eighty % of males are very low cost.

If a good looking and comely lady with a good pores and skin, supple lips and bulbous breasts tells you that she’s going to mattress a sure man, even when that man is married, inside few days, don’t doubt her. I’ve seen these items occur too many occasions. It can solely take a person with lots of self-control, enormous respect for his accomplice, and self-discipline, for this to fall by. Else, the lovely and comely lady with a good pores and skin, supple lips and bulbous breasts will succeed. However you’d agree with me that this might almost certainly not occur if the genders have been reversed. A lady may be very unlikely to have intercourse with a stranger, until for cash (within the case of intercourse employees), however a person solely wants the slightest consideration be confirmed him by a girl earlier than he begins misbehaving.

Now, right here’s a narrative from few days in the past: It was a scorching and humid day. I had placed on my shorts and t-shirt, gone to a close-by provision store run by my good friend’s mom to seize a chilly drink. After I obtained to the store, there was a horde of avenue guys. Obike. Adiele. John. A number of different guys I didn’t know, however whose faces have been acquainted. There was the gentle slapping of backs, shaking of palms, snapping of fingers to make loud clicks. There was an air of rejuvenated camaraderie. I sat to make small discuss and earlier than we have been deep into it, a sure lady walked in. She appeared younger and nubile. Her cheeks have been delicately rouged, her arched brows penciled in, her lips meticulously painted in pink and lined in a darker shade. It was apparent she made an effort together with her look.

As a result of I used to be very observant, I seen the fleeting lock of eyes between Obike and the lady that walked in. Her physique language oozed greenlights, a pheromonal air trailed her, which consequently attracted Obike. Obike who was known as ‘Kpoi-Man,’ a moniker that caught, I got here to grasp, due to his wanton life-style. Obike who was recognized for his randiness with avenue ladies, counting them as medals as they walked previous. Obike was unashamed, giving us gist of what number of ladies he had slept with, excited about potential ladies that might grace his mattress, ticking them off on a listing, as if he was taking a census rely. Obike was the road he-goat.

As I downed my drink and made small discuss with the blokes who have been nonetheless , side-eyeing as Obike made his personal small discuss (a attainable propositioning) with this lady who had her bought items in a single hand, and cell phone in one other, and was making her means out of the store. It was with indignation that I acquired Obike’s winks as he made his means out of the store with this unknown lady. This lady who instigated and pulled him to her effortlessly. This lady who didn’t really feel harassed by his sexual advances. This wink, this facial features of blinking with one eye, signaled that we should always add this lady to his vault of medals. A. Achieved. Deal!

Earlier than I left the store after having my drink, Obike returned with a brand new swagger to his gait. A slight puff and elevating to his shoulders, as if there have been unseen epaulets. A smug smile plastered on his lips, which signalled he had had his means with this unknown lady. Now right here’s the humorous factor, the irony of all of it. Obike known as the lady a ‘low cost lady.’ That he solely needed to pay ₦2,000 to have intercourse together with her. And in that second, it saddened me to see that Obike, wrapped within the cashmere of blissful ignorance, didn’t know that he was, actually, a budget one.

So, as a person, earlier than you name a girl low cost, earlier than you employ that phrase to scale back a girl, to make one other really feel much less worthy and of little worth, search your self properly. Be positive you’re not simply one other Obike roaming the earth. Make certain that you possess the ethical compass to even use that phrase. However sadly, nobody does. Nobody has the precise to scale back one other human being. Not even Obike. And I’m right here to inform you (males) that inasmuch as you’ll prefer to name a girl low cost, you don’t possess the ethical compass, the self justification, to name a girl low cost. Not now. Not ever!


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