Now that I consider it, I do not forget that day. I do not forget that the sky was not overcast, there have been no fluffy white clouds that hung low. It was a sizzling day and I lay bare-chested on the chilly tiled flooring. I bear in mind additionally that the sitting room was illuminated, the sunshine from the fierce solar sliced by way of the curtains in sharp darts. I bear in mind there was no electrical energy, else my mom can be on the one-seater. Her eyes behind her gold-framed glasses, targeted on the tv, watching her favourite cleaning soap. Tinsel? The Johnsons? I have no idea.
I do not forget that my mom promised to organize Okra soup for my father. I additionally do not forget that my mom acquired a cellphone name that modified her temper, that made her cantankerous for the higher a part of that day.
So it got here to be that my father approached my mom to remind her concerning the Okra soup she promised to organize for him. However my mom’s response shocked me. I’d by no means seen her behave that approach earlier than. She flared up and stated ugly phrases. How my father was solely involved about his meals and never about her moods. Did he not see her temper earlier than reminding her a few ‘nonsense soup?’
I do not forget that she referred to as the soup ‘nonsense’ as a result of her voice abruptly was lowered. You see, my mom is enormously affable, and her sense of propriety is one I enormously admire. And I shortly realized that in any respect that should have put her in a really petulant temper was one thing actually terrible. My father stood in entrance of her for thus many minutes, clairvoyant, intently staring, as if that act alone would grant him information to the melange of ideas raging in her thoughts. He examined her extra as if to grasp one thing obscure that left him bewildered, as if he would in some way decipher or unravel the thriller behind such untoward habits and possibly extirpate it eternally. However his stare didn’t have any unraveling high quality, so when he acquired drained, he requested me to chop the onions and he took the okra to the kitchen to slice into rings.
I do not forget that the soup didn’t take lengthy to be prepared. And when it was, my father smelled of soup elements. He, my father, organized their consuming plates on a stainless-steel tray, together with consuming water and a wash-hand basin on the eating desk. He referred to as my mom to come back and eat, and when she pretended to not have heard him, which I believe was extra of guilt than pretend-deafness, he went and pulled her softly to the eating desk. And he or she didn’t resist.
Halfway into the meals, she determined to say what the issue was. Do you bear in mind Mama Ekene? My father narrowed his eyes to cracks as if that might help his reminiscence. Even after such psychological train, he shook his head from ear to ear. Mama Ekene, my mom repeated, my seamstress! Oh! The one whose final little one is a particular wants little one? My father requested. Precisely! My mom answered. She tapped him out of reflex, and when she observed my father’s winced face, she rubbed his arm softly, as if to smoothen creases, an unstated apology.
She reiterated how Mama Ekene had referred to as her earlier to say that she returned from the market to search out out that her little one was useless. That neighbors stated that they heard a heavy thud and rushed out solely to see her son bleeding profusely on the cemented flooring. From all indications, he tried to maneuver the balustrade from their flat however misplaced management. Ekwuzina! My father shouted, dropping the mould of eba between his fingers. I imagined that his abdomen had tightened and his urge for food was misplaced. My mom did similar too and saved sighing. Nonetheless mendacity on the chilly tiled flooring, the tiles grew to become even colder to my naked pores and skin, my pores and skin grew to become taut and goose pimples unfold throughout my pores. Could his soul relaxation in peace, they chorused, and continued consuming. Peace returned. One other quarrel averted.
I bear in mind telling this story to my buddy within the college. Extra in a bid to move on marriage nuggets than to publicize the affairs of my household. I bear in mind how he praised my father for his maturity, and even doubted if he would have acted similar approach had he been in my father’s sneakers at that second. However he stated one thing else which precipitated a tiff. He stated my father didn’t act like an actual man. That by not reasserting his place as the pinnacle of the home, by not solely cooking the meal but additionally serving, he had made himself effeminate. I didn’t agree with him, and I advised him so. I advised him that from all he had stated, he nonetheless noticed marriage between a person and a girl as one largely centered on authority. And perhaps violence. He refused vehemently and tried to elucidate additional, however from his clarification, I may see that it was not a girl to like and maintain however a pet to personal and management that my buddy desired, and in extension, most males.
That submissiveness and respect is outlined narrowly as one thing a girl reveals a person in marriage, and by no means what a person reveals a girl. And this submissiveness and respect, with no seen hint of dissent, make insecure males, clearly not sure of their identities, really feel like actual males. That authoritativeness. Sit down right here. Do that now. Do this later. No agitation in any respect makes you a superb girl, a spouse materials. In any other case, you’re a foul girl, unfit to be married. However I believe it’s only foolish girl who will behave like a pet simply to be likable. And it’s simply unhappy that males who don’t aspire to have puppies as companions are seen as sissies. I imagine a superb relationship or marriage is one the place love is mutual. Respect is reciprocal and belief is paramount. Authority ought to by no means be within the equation!
Most occasions, I select to think about the numerous issues that might have gone incorrect had my father acted like a ‘actual man.’ By my buddy’s horrible definition, that is how an actual man ought to have acted: Be shocked about your spouse’s response. Be mad about her temper swings as a result of she has no proper in any respect to be spontaneous and never in command of her moods. As a result of, in some way, marriage makes you an ideal human, not influenced by circumstances or emotions. Contact your self, your beards, your taut chest and grapple your intercourse organ, and chortle foolishly when she calls your soup ‘nonsense.’ Ask her once more, simply to make sure, if she actually referred to as your soup ‘nonsense.’ An actual man would slap her first, to close her up, to deliver her again to the true world, the place a girl ought to by no means name her husband’s soup ‘nonsense,’ by no means speak again at her husband. An actual man would remind her about how a lot he spent marrying her and the way she ought to at all times be submissive. An actual man would command her instantly to the kitchen to organize the soup. An actual man would sit, legs crossed, eyes on the tv, watching soccer, ready for his meals to be prepared. An actual man ought to by no means prepare dinner except when he desires to present his spouse a deal with, simply to be romantic.
I believe my buddy continues to be a scholar within the college of poisonous masculinity. I imagine that my buddy’s model of easy methods to be an actual man is outdated. He must improve to the current model. So, that is easy methods to be an actual man: An actual man would by no means hit his girl it doesn’t matter what. An actual man would by no means flare up concurrently his girl. An actual man would prepare dinner meals and serve. Would bathe his youngsters too. And sure, my father is an actual man – an up to date model, at all times has been, at all times will stay. We should always all be actual males!